Ask the Experts, Associate Advice, Career Center, Career Files, Lawyers

Challenge Yourself to Be Positive

I decided to do a 40-day challenge, during which I gave up complaining. That’s right, I stopped complaining for 40 days.

By
on

A few years ago, I was buried in work and traveling for business. I ran into a friend of mine on a train in Philly, and he spent the next hour listening to (a) how many hours I worked, (b) how much I hated what I was working on, and (c) how the people at my Biglaw firm had zero regard for my personal life (wait a second, WHAT personal life?). I remember being fairly detached and casual as I was talking about all of this (I did NOT burst into tears, per usual), but years later, my friend told me that after that conversation, he had put me on “suicide watch.”

About a year after the suicide watch train incident, I realized that I had become a person that I didn’t recognize: a whiny, angry, sad person who only saw the negative in everything. I decided to do a 40-day challenge, during which I gave up complaining. That’s right, I stopped complaining for 40 days.

It was terribly difficult, and, at first, the changes in my thoughts and speech were totally fake. I couldn’t say something cheerful or positive without grimacing. But after a couple of weeks, the positive changes in my thought patterns became real. Instead of forcing myself to think of creative ways NOT to complain, I kept thinking of positive ways to look at tough situations. By the end of the 40-day challenge, I didn’t want to complain anymore—although my best friend thought the new, positive Megan was “weird,” I felt less like a complaining, negative, uninspired robot who did her work and more like…well, myself.

Although I didn’t know it at the time, studies in the field of positive psychology had already shown that exercises like eliminating negativity are great tools for helping you increase happiness and reduce depression .

What do you have to lose by losing your negativity? Nothing. Here are some tips if you decide to challenge yourself to be positive:

(1) Find a way to spin the problem. Every time you feel the need to express a negative thought, find a way to spin it into something neutral or positive before you let it leave your lips. Rather than, “I have to cancel our plans tonight because Partner X is being a d-bag,” try: “I’m tied up with work tonight, but I’ll be happy to spend tomorrow night with you instead.” And instead of “I got this awful new assignment that is going to be a total time-suck,” try: “I got a new assignment, and I think I’ll have the opportunity to learn a great deal.”

(2) Tell your friends and colleagues about your new positivity challenge. Having people around who will not only support you in your positivity challenge, but who will also hold you accountable, is key to your success. Your friends can also annoyingly point out that your neutral or positive statement could be construed as negative, thus helping you hone your positivity skill as you go along.

Sponsored

(3) If you don’t have anything nice to say… There are going to be times when your brain, although brilliant, can’t think of a positive way to look at a situation. In those times, rather than sputtering out negativity, try to keep it to yourself. When I was in that situation, I found that after a few hours, when my anger/sadness/resentment subsided, I was able to look at the problem with a fresh, positive perspective.

(4) Give it at least three weeks. I work with a lot of clients on modifying behaviors, and whether it’s giving up sweets or getting into a new workout routine, real changes only begin to take shape when you’ve given yourself enough time. If you can be positive for three whole weeks (21 days), you should begin to notice a difference.

And who knows? Maybe your positive attitude will get noticed by Partner X, who might be less inclined to dump work on you when you’re in such a good mood.

Megan Grandinetti is a New York city-based attorney, health coach, and yoga teacher. Megan’s work as a health coach focuses on improving the health and wellness of lawyers. Find out more about Megan (a.k.a. “Health Coach Meg”) by visiting www.thelawyershealthcoach.com or her Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/healthcoachmegnyc.

Sponsored

Topics

, , , , ,