Ask Me Anything: Lawyer Career Transition
How do I overcome thinking I’m a failure if I want to leave my firm or the law?
Elena Deutsch, founder of WILL – Women Interested in Leaving (big) Law, and Casey Berman, founder of Leave Law Behind, are now writing a regular AMA: Lawyer Career Transition column, Ask the career coaches ANYTHING to help you clarify and take action towards a new role or alternative career. At the end, find five take-aways. We invite you to put ONE into action.
Today’s question: How do I overcome thinking I’m a failure if I want to leave my firm or the law?
—————
What Do Millennials Think Of Law Firm Life?
Elena: What do we say to lawyers who say, “I’m worried I can’t hack it. What’s wrong with me?”
Casey: Underneath that I hear: “I feel disconnected, misaligned and that I don’t want to do this job.” Let’s say you are functioning in a law firm of two to 2000 attorneys. You might think, “Wait a minute. I’ve spent X years in law school and Y years as a lawyer, I should be able to do this. I’m a failure. Everyone else can do it. Why can’t I?”
Elena: I see these thoughts as red flags from your subconscious. You said the word “misalignment” before, Casey. I believe that misalignment = information. It’s a clue not that you can’t hack it, but that you don’t want to!
Casey: That’s right.
Sponsored
Legal Knowledge Management To Drive Dealmaking
What Do Millennials Think Of Law Firm Life?
Stuck Drafting A Tough Brief? This Tool Can Help.
Elena: Part of you wants to make another choice.
Casey: That’s a great way to look at it as opposed to the “pit in the stomach” feeling is something bad. If you look at it as a signal, two things come to mind for me. One is: Maybe you can’t hack it, but it’s not a bad thing! It’s a sign that you’re not playing to your skills and strengths.
If you think about the wisdom of your body, if you eat something that doesn’t sit well with you, you take Pepto-Bismol! Perhaps it’s your body saying “this lawyer thing is likely not a fit for you.” It’s actually a good sign. Without guilt and regret, you get to see it as: “It’s not me. It’s the job. We are not a good fit.” And that’s okay.
The second thing is, that there’s a level of perfectionism that attorneys have. We often carry the mindset “I need to do everything perfectly, please everybody and be a hero.” When you’re not doing that, you can feel off.
Elena: If you get that feeling of dread on Sunday night, your stomach is constantly in knots and you are in physical pain, there’s information to glean.
Sponsored
The Global Legal News You Need, When You Need It
Casey: Exactly.
Elena: So we’ve got the body and we have the mind. “What’s wrong with me” can be a mindset issue, which is great news, because we can shift that! If we think: “I can’t hack it. I’m a failure” that feels bad. You can learn to reframe thoughts, then choose a new thought that feels better.
For example, a second year associate in WILL has a mother who’s a partner at a law firm. She saw her mom do all that and attend her soccer games. The noise in her head was, “If she could hack it, why can’t I? What’s wrong with me?” We taught her to grab hold of a new thought “My mom made choices that were right for her. I can choose what’s right for me too. I may choose something different.” She felt more empowered and autonomous.
Casey: I like your point about beliefs and choice. You can literally think in a different way. You can do that right now.
For example, take that thought: “You can’t hack it, you’re going to toil forever in a job that you don’t like,” it can become: “I’m in stage V.1 of my career. It’s not aligned, and part of knowing what I want is also knowing what I don’t want! I know some things I’m good at and I’ve learned a ton. Now I’m going to apply all that to v 2.0 and see where I can take my career from here.”
Elena: I’ve seen WILL members really struggle with that “How do I think differently? How do I change those beliefs?” A tip I share is that when you have the identity of a lawyer – and that is your primary identity, it’s important to expand that! Yes, you’re a lawyer, AND what else are you? You’re a daughter, a son, a friend, a spouse, a parent. Make a list!
Casey: One thing that I do at Leave Law Behind is focus on what we call your Unique Genius. We look at those skills and strengths to help you discover where you add value and what you like to do.
One way to move beyond the “I’m just an attorney,” is to find someone in your life or a celebrity, who has shifted. For example, Alec Baldwin went from being a dramatic actor to do comedy in 30 Rock, then SNL. There was probably a moment where he was uncomfortable making the shift. Find someone else who can be an inspiration.
Elena: Another tool I share is to ask, “How do I want to feel?” When you think: “I can’t hack it, I’m a failure,” those thoughts do not feel good.
When you ask yourself, “How do I want to feel?” you get a lot more information quickly!
It’s pretty easy to say: “I want to feel strong, capable and excited to go to work! “
Once you know the feelings, you can cultivate new thoughts to support you.
For example, “I am smart and capable and I have a lot to offer the world,” or, “This is not the right fit for me and I’m making a powerful choice by saying ‘no’ to what I don’t want.”
Casey: That’s right! Elena, let’s wrap this up with takeaways.
Pick ONE TIP to put into action:
- Appreciate the wisdom of your body. It’s trying to tell you something!
- Misalignment = information that you are not playing to your skills and strengths. Your firm, role or the law might not be a fit for you, and that’s okay!
- Expand your identity from “I am a lawyer”. Write down ALL the other things that you are and do: parent, friend, daughter, son, sibling, writer, creator, etc.
- Consume the stories of others who have shifted their identity. Read books, listen to podcasts. (Check out Casey’s Love or Leave the Law Podcast for inspiring tales).
- Start with how you want to feel! Back into new thoughts by identifying the feelings you desire. If you desire to wake up Monday morning excited to go to work, a new thought could be: “I am committed to finding a job that I love where I feel excited to go every day!” Choose thoughts that feel better, and inspire you to take action that yield new results.
To send Casey and Elena your questions, submit at AskCaseyAndElena@gmail.com
Listen in as Casey and Elena discuss how to leave (big) law and more on the Love or Leave the Law Podcast.
Learn more about Leave Law Behind here.
Learn more about WILL – Women Interested in Leaving (big) Law here.
Elena F. Deutsch, MPH is the CEO of WILL – Women Interested in Leaving (big) Law. She helps attorneys who feel stuck and unhappy, clarify what else they can do, experience relief and act on their dreams. Since founding WILL in 2017, it has been her joy to help women (and a few men) transform their careers and lives. Her work has been featured in Above the Law, Bloomberg Big Law Business, The American Lawyer and more. You can find her on LinkedIn or at www.womeninterestedinleavinglaw.com.
Casey Berman (University of California, Hastings College of the Law ’99), is the founder of Leave Law Behind, a career coaching program that helps unhappy attorneys leave their legal practice for their dream, “alternative” career. Casey focused primarily on software licensing for five years before leaving the law behind in 2004. Since then, his career has helped him develop a wide range of skills, as Management Consultant, VP Operations, Chief Communications Officer and Investment Banker. Casey just wrote an in-depth article to help you land your dream “alternative” career out of the law, click here to read more.
