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Ask Me Anything: Getting Ghosted by Potential Employers

What do I do when a recruiter or hiring manager doesn’t get back to me about a potential job?

By Casey Berman and Elena Deutsch
on
think wonder question Portrait with copy space empty place of thoughtful minded woman with modern hairdo holding hand on chin looking up trying to find solution isolated on grey background

(Image via Getty)

Today, we address the question: What do I do when I’ve been in preliminary discussions with a prospective employer, with some initial calls and emails, only to never get any response or follow-up? I’ve heard about this ghosting by prospective employees, but I did not expect a large corporate recruiting operation to do this sort of thing.

Casey: 

Let’s talk about this idea of getting ghosted by a potential employer. A lot of people looking for a new job can relate to it. It can be incredibly frustrating and discouraging when you’re on the hunt, and not hearing back from recruiters or potential employers.

First of all, I want to acknowledge this fact: getting ghosted means you’re getting out there, putting aside some of your fears and going for it. So that’s great!

I know that not hearing back can leave a weird feeling. For anyone going through this, I hope you can see that this weird feeling is rooted in fear. It’s a fear of rejection, a fear of not being worthy, and that little doubt-filled voice in your head saying, “See, I told you you shouldn’t leave law. You’re not worthy of this.” 

Elena: 

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Yes, and while it can feel easier to give into these voices of self-doubt, the truth of it is that you have no idea what’s going on for this employer or recruiter. You have zero idea what their reality is. Their priorities might have changed, been focused on another project or be totally overwhelmed right now. 

But our brains like to make up stories when we have a shortage of information.

The story you end up telling yourself is that you’re not worthy. And in reality, that isn’t the truth.

Casey:

Right, exactly. It’s important to remember in these scenarios that nine times out of ten, the reason you’re not hearing back is because of something going on with them, not you. Or it could be simply that you weren’t the right candidate for the job, which is ok. You aren’t going to be a perfect fit everywhere you apply. Maybe the interview didn’t go that great, and the job wasn’t for you. It’s alright. 

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There are so many reasons that we can riff off here that really don’t involve you, but could involve the recruiter literally just being up in their eyeballs in work.

Elena:

It’s so important to notice when our brain has hijacked the narrative. If you’re telling yourself that you “can’t make a change” or you’re not deserving of the job, then it’s time to reclaim your self-talk steering wheel. You have to practice saying, “No hijackers in my brain,” and then redirect the story. Ask yourself, “Okay, what’s another story I can tell myself?”

Also, one of the biggest things that I’ve learned being on the hiring side of the desk is the more persistent you are, the better. Just keep showing up.

Casey:

I agree with you 100%. Keep up the persistence. Obviously, don’t be a schmuck about it, but follow up politely. You don’t want to knock on their front door, but you can always find them on LinkedIn or message them on Instagram or Twitter. Why not? Just try it.

Elena:

Right. Reach out to them on LinkedIn, because it’s a hundred percent appropriate to connect there. Or even Instagram. A colleague of mine described Instagram as a cocktail party. You are free to walk up to people and say hello.

Casey:

I love it. What this really brings to mind here is what we call at Leave Law Behind “the second flank.” So you’re going to apply online. You’re going to go through that system, of course. Many people do not get jobs via a cold application, even though one Leave Law Behind member just did, which is great. But most often, you want to get a warm lead, or “a second flank,” as we call it.  It just goes to show that if you’ve got your resume in the hands of some kind of connection who can let you know what’s going on on the inside.  That can really help you break through.

So keep in mind how important it is to network. 

Elena:

Yes!  An old networking adage goes: “People hire people, not paper.”  This is from the days of paper resumes, I admit, but people are more apt to hire people they’ve had a conversation with.  Not a resume that comes across their inbox.  

There’s a sneaky mindset issue embedded here as well. I hear from a lot of women, “Well, I don’t want to bother people. I don’t want to be a nuisance.” But you’re not being a bother. You’re simply asking. They can either say yes or no. What if you’re getting in front of them is actually helping them?  

When I hear people express these doubts, I often ask, “Would you do this for someone?” Of course you would. People are more willing to help if we give them the opportunity, and are specific about how they can help us.

Casey:

So to recap how to handle getting ghosted by an employer, let’s remember 5 key things: 

  1. It’s not personal. You have no idea what’s going on in the life of that employer or recruiter.
  2. Reclaim the wheel. Notice the story you’re telling yourself, and tell yourself another more helpful story. 
  3. Get a second flank. Find someone within that network who knows how to get your resume in the right hands.
  4. Be persistent. Follow up. Reach out to that employer or recruiter on a second platform. 
  5. Be generous. Think generously about other people, because we really don’t know what’s going on with them.

To send Casey and Elena your questions, submit them here:  AskCaseyAndElena@gmail.com 

Listen in as Casey and Elena discuss how to leave (big) law and more on the Love or Leave the Law Podcast.  

Learn more about Leave Law Behind here. 

Learn more about WILL – Women Interested in Leaving (big) Law here.  

 

Elena F. Deutsch, MPH is the CEO of WILL – Women Interested in Leaving (big) Law.  She helps attorneys who feel stuck and unhappy, clarify what else they can do, experience relief and act on their dreams.  Since founding WILL in 2017, it has been her joy to help women (and a few men) transform their careers and lives.   Her work has been featured in Above the Law, Bloomberg Big Law Business, The American Lawyer and more. You can find her on LinkedIn or at www.womeninterestedinleavinglaw.com.  

Casey Berman (University of California, Hastings College of the Law ’99), is the founder of Leave Law Behind, a career coaching program that helps unhappy attorneys leave their legal practice for their dream, “alternative” career. Casey focused primarily on software licensing for five years before leaving the law behind in 2004. Since then, his career has helped him develop a wide range of skills, as Management Consultant, VP Operations, Chief Communications Officer and Investment Banker. Casey just wrote an in-depth article to help you land your dream “alternative” career out of the law, click here to read more. 

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