Greenberg Traurig Pays Cravath Scale Bonus... To Buy A Goat
Why does a law firm need a goat?
No one really expected Greenberg Traurig, a firm well known for only paying top dollar in the top markets, to fully match Cravath for all of its associates across the country. But it’s safe to say no one expected them to rub this fact in the faces of their associates by ceremonially shelling out $15,000 — the first-year bonus under the Cravath scale — to buy a goat.
They bought a goat. That’s a thing that happened. Let that roll around in your head for a second.
When reached for comment, a Greenberg Traurig spokesperson explained, “the firm has a long tradition of contributing to the National Western Scholarship Trust to fund scholarships in agriculture and rural medicine at colleges throughout Colorado and Wyoming to support students committed to raising the next generation of goats to sacrifice to our dark lord Baphomet. The time of reckoning is almost upon us. You shall not escape His judgment.”
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As it turns out, that quote is only half true. While it’s unclear why a Miami-based firm got into sponsoring agricultural scholarships, it’s a longtime sponsor and is proud to shell out $15,000 for the “‘reserve grand champion goat’ owned by 15-year-old Tara Hummel of Cabery, Illinois.” Hummel, a quick search reveals, is the LeBron James of goat-raising, having won awards annually for her goats for years. At least Greenberg Traurig is backing a winner.
Still, this is probably a bitter pill to swallow for Greenberg Traurig associates toiling into the wee hours. One suspects after hearing this news, somewhere in the offices of Greenberg Traurig, a partner is addressing associates: “Some of you have been wondering how you’ll pay your student loans this year. We hear your concerns, but have you seen this goat? Look… it thinks it’s people! Just like you seem to.”
Greenberg Traurig, the G.O.A.T. of Law Firms? [American Lawyer]
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Joe Patrice is an editor at Above the Law and co-host of Thinking Like A Lawyer. Feel free to email any tips, questions, or comments. Follow him on Twitter if you’re interested in law, politics, and a healthy dose of college sports news.
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