Your Children Are Watching: Make Your Happiness A Priority, Not An Option
Self-care does not have to be earned, and it should be something you do for yourself daily.
Ed. note: This is the latest installment in a series of posts on motherhood in the legal profession, in partnership with our friends at MothersEsquire. Welcome Brandy Wilson Edwards to our pages. Click here if you’d like to donate to MothersEsquire.
Happiness is a synonym for self-care. While self-care is a buzzword, you are in control of how you define it and how you incorporate it into your life. If you feel that you do not have time for self-care, or that it is selfish or not necessary, notice how you feel reading the statements below when “self-care” is replaced with “happiness”:
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My self-care is not a priority.
My happiness is not a priority.
To prioritize your happiness think about small choices that are within your control every single day. While small actions might feel insignificant in the moment, all of your choices compound over time and get you closer to, or further from, how you want to feel and who you want to become.
When you think about billable hours, whether or not you have pressure to reach a certain amount, explore how you can bill yourself at least a 0.1 every single day. Your happiness is worth at least 6 minutes a day.
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Can you go outside for a few minutes of sunshine instead of a long walk?
Can you take time to savor your morning coffee or tea instead of multitasking as you get ready?
What if you read a few pages of a great book and address any house or office clutter another time?
Instead of a long workout, how can you move your body for a few minutes?
If a passion project is what your soul desires more time for, what small choice can you make today to create more time for it? Maybe you need to order something, or register for a class at a later date. Make sure you schedule time for your passion project in your calendar, even if in short increments, and keep the commitments you make to yourself. Everyone and everything will always be competing for your time, so be prepared when, not if, obstacles arise.
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When you keep commitments to yourself and prioritize your happiness you will inevitably disappoint people, which might include your kids, at various times. Be kind to yourself, and give yourself grace and compassion. You do so much and problem solve for others every day. Isn’t it time that you stop disappointing yourself? Sometimes tomorrow turns into never, and your happiness should not be an afterthought.
You are a role model to your children, and they learn how to prioritize, or not prioritize, themselves and their happiness by what you choose to do or not do. They are watching and listening to you. If your children want to grow up to be just like you, what does their future life look like? Are they putting themselves first, or last?
There are many ways you can make time for yourself while simultaneously using those moments to teach your children how to do the same thing. When you need time to yourself, inside or outside of the house, communicate that with your children. Explain why your personal time and activity of choice is important to you, and how it will make you feel. You can even suggest that they use that same time to do something for themselves, and have them explain to you how it will make them feel.
While self-care should include time away from your children, it can also include time with your children. Consider incorporating “self-care time” or “happiness time” with your kids and explain to them the importance of taking time to incorporate daily joy into their lives. You can even encourage your children to let you know when they need time for self-care, including time to be alone. For example, if they are feeling stressed, overwhelmed or anxious, you can encourage them to do something that they find calming. If they have spent a lot of time studying or practicing a skill or sport, ask them how they can celebrate their effort. It is those moments that can be both educational and memorable for you both.
Allow your happiness, personally and professionally, to drive your daily decisions.
Self-care does not have to be earned, and it should be something you do for yourself daily. Wherever you are in life and however you are feeling, give yourself permission to pause and make yourself and your happiness a priority, not an option.
Texas Attorney and Motivational Speaker, Brandy Wilson Edwards empowers legal professionals to pursue and achieve their potential, personally and professionally. She is a member of the programming committee for the Institute for Well-Being in Law and is an advocate for happiness and well-being in the legal community. Brandy is a multi-passionate creative and structured free-spirit. She is the founder of The Self-Love Challenge™, a published author, and is certified to teach yoga and mindfulness, which she incorporates into her wellness workshops and retreats. Speaking requests and collaboration inquiries can be sent to TheSelfLoveChallenge@gmail.com. You can connect with Brandy via LinkedIn www.linkedin.com/in/brandy-wilson-edwards-esq and learn more about her speaking at www.BrandyWilsonEdwards.com.
