Morning Docket

* Demand for legal services dropped in 2022. Which you already knew, but now there’s a report! [Reuters]

* Look to your left, look to your right… one of these law firms won’t be here next year. [Law.com]

* Federal Circuit strikes down Quinn Emanuel’s class action fees as “excessive.” Quinn Emanuel had sought FIVE percent. [Law360]

* Looks like Trump finally realized Alina Habba isn’t the answer to… well any question worth asking. [Business Insider]

* The Wooly Mammoth will be de-extincted in 2027. Because no one saw Jurassic Park. [Popular Mechanics]

* Trump sues Bob Woodward claiming copyright on all the stuff he told Woodward during interviews Trump granted for the purpose of letting Woodward write a book. This is not going in the magical “Trump keeps winning cases” bucket his lawyer talks about. [Courthouse News Service]

* Johnson & Johnson tried the “Monopoly Man turns out his pockets” routine and failed. [Law360]

* Hey Siri, explain labor law. [MacRumors]

* Speaking of labor law, a look at the upcoming Supreme Court labor showdown from the perspective of the service workers are preparing. [Eater]

* Jones Day facing sanctions request citing harassment as the motivation for the earlier sanctions request Jones Day made against former associates in discrimination case. You may remember this one as the case that brought attention to Jones Day’s… questionable photoshop decisions. [Reuters]

* The pandemic may have broken lawyers. I mean, lawyers were always broken, but it broke them in a new way. [American Lawyer]

* Sam Bankman-Fried objects to “overbroad” bail restrictions. Bail restrictions can be onerous and harassing but these boil down to “please don’t talk to possible witnesses against you or send automatically deleting communications,” which seems… reasonable. Next thing you know they’re going to be telling him he can’t pay fines with magic beans! [Reuters]

* When looking in the mirror in 2023, there’s one question we must all ask ourselves: Was I at Camp Lejeune? I don’t think so, but these ads have got me wondering if I might’ve been stationed there for 5 years and just forgot. [Bloomberg]

* Life Sciences work is going to stay busy. It seems there’s still plenty of money out there despite all the grumbling. [The Recorder]

* It took a Ninth Circuit opinion, but it turns out that, yes, the president can fire people who work for him. Glad we got that settled. [Law360]

* The Prenda Law saga continues as a federal court shuts down the latest attempt of the imprisoned lawyer to file more of the same lawsuits that landed him in prison in the first place. [Ars Technica]

* There’s a lot to say about Brett Kavanaugh’s speech at Notre Dame Law School, but he used the opportunity to bash the US News rankings blasting the idea that the publication’s reputation survey can capture the quality of an education. His clerks this Term all went to Harvard, Yale, and Stanford. [CNN]

* Shearman & Sterling used to be a top 5 earning firm. Now it’s banking on a merger — that feels more like a takeover — to save it. What happened? [American Lawyer]

* Forum shopping has gotten to the point where attorneys pushing fringe legal theories have a 100 percent chance of landing a friendly judge. [The Nation]

* Ted Lieu proposes resolution to regulate AI written by AI. I guess we already let oil companies write environmental laws so this isn’t much different. [NBC]

* John Eastman disbarment proceedings coming soon. [The Guardian]

* Republicans target ESG rules. It’s one thing to complain about the SEC, but these proposals would bar investment funds from making demands on companies they own. So much for the free market! [Bloomberg]

* ChatGPT “passes” law school exam. Which is not really how law school works, but cool. Congrats on your below market salary, debt-laden hellscape Johnny 5! [CBS]

* Lawyer threats avert robot legal apocalypse. I’m still pretty sure this is a stupid temper tantrum from lawyers who think they’re special snowflakes, but here we are. [NPR]

* Madison Square Garden’s lawyer ban may violate bias laws. Reality continues to lag about 4 weeks behind what I say. Are people not watching my podcast appearances when they come out live? Because we could speed all this up. [NBC]

* Paperwork is just not Elon Musk’s “style.” That’s cool and all, but you still need to do it before publicly announcing that you have done the paperwork. [Law360]

* Axiom opens law firm in Arizona thanks to regulatory changes. [ABA Journal]

* Craziest. Story. Ever. [Courthouse News Service]

* Google doesn’t think much of the government’s antitrust action. It might want to try a quick Bing search on antitrust law. [Reuters]

* Asking ChatGPT to write a poem about being a law student. [LegalCheek]

* Insiders may find it a little sketchy, but Goodwin coupling layoffs with a big lateral hire may be the norm in a market where the “recession” is only hitting specific groups. [Law.com]

* A deep dive into Sullivan & Cromwell’s cryptoexchange adventure. [Financial Times]

* Elon Musk testifies that publicly stating that he had “funding secured” when he had not, so much, “secured” any “funding” was “the right thing to do.” Juries appreciate a complete lack of remorse! [Law360]

* Expectation: Am Law 100 firms excited about moving West in 2023! Reality: Your firm has died of dysentery. [American Lawyer]

* Remember in 2016 when the FBI was leaking about how it couldn’t find any connection between Donald Trump and Russia? Entirely coincidentally, the former head of counterintelligence for the FBI just got indicted for taking money from a Putin ally. [NY Times]

* Supreme Court punts critical attorney-client privilege case designed to settle thorny issues surrounding lawyers wearing two hats. Inevitably just waiting to hear the John Eastman challenge that plotting coups falls within the privilege. [National Law Journal]

* Elon Musk uncorks “blame Saudi Arabia” defense at trial. Maybe he can blame them for the “For You” feed next. [Law360]

* “Young Thug’s lawyers say rapper shocked by co-defendant handing him Percocet in courtroom.” Who amongst us? [Yahoo]

* Alex Murdaugh trial begins. Catch up on the story here. [NPR]

* The Supreme Court leak investigation accomplished two things: (1) we’re all more sure than ever that the leak sprung from a justice; and, (2) the justices have burned every bridge with their extended staff. [NY Times]

* Three Days of the Counsel-OR. OK that was a stretch, but the Am Law 100 is coalescing around three-day office policies. Even if firms remain divided over what that looks like in practice. [American Lawyer]

* Director Doug Liman did a more comprehensive job vetting Brett Kavanaugh than the FBI. [Washington Post]

* Government asks to hold Martin Shkreli in contempt. There are so many industries in this world… is it that hard not to start a business in one covered by a court order? [FTC]

* Proskauer unimpressed with former COO’s interpretation of his final days in the office. [Reuters]

* All right everyone. Let’s use our Dr. Evil voices: frivolous lawsuit earns Donald Trump sanction of… one MILLION dollars! Or $937K at least. [NY Times]

* If he’s interested in pushing his luck, his lawsuit against his niece is still going. [Courthouse News Service]

* South Texas Law Houston and Roger Williams Law have both withdrawn support for the USNWR rankings. Without that precious data, how will U.S. News know to keep placing them in the bottom tier? [Law.com]

* Musk likely to take the stand today in Tesla trial. Facing questions from people he can’t suspend? It’s a whole new world out there. [Reuters]

* The trifecta of going hardcore anti-reproductive freedom AND trafficking in rape apologist tropes (women’s testimony means “unsupported”) AND demanding the Court’s 1A & 2A rules be suspended solely for right-wing justices in the same column? Chef’s kiss. [Washington Post]

* And Orrick will merge with Buckley. [Bloomberg]

* With productivity in decline, are we set to see a boom in alternative fee arrangements. No… but isn’t it pretty to think so? [American Lawyer]

* Alex Spiro is arguing that Elon Musk’s false tweets were just “technical wordsmith inaccuracies.” Not sure how it’s a technicality to say “funding secured” when funding had not, in fact, been secured, but kudos for trying. [Ars Technica]

* Rupert Murdoch faces questions in the ongoing Dominion defamation case where he’ll testify like Mr. Burns negotiating with kidnappers, “$5000? $6000? I swear, that’s all I’ve got.” [Reuters]

* After forcing Hector LaSalle to suffer the foregone indignity of getting rejected by the committee, Kathy Hochul has at least taken a tentative step back from her threat to sue fellow Democrats on “because you made me sad” grounds. [Bloomberg]

* Flo Rida wins $82 million in dispute with energy drink company. Much like the club, the company’s lawyers couldn’t handle him. [Billboard]

* Former Fox executives brand witness in FIFA bribery case as vengeful, then presumably flopped on the ground holding their shins. [Law360]

* If the Supreme Court ditches Chevron… how will businesses react? [Bloomberg]

* Michael Cohen is back in the news, speaking with prosecutors about the Stormy Daniels hush money deal. [New York Times]

* Oh look! A serial objector trying to derail a settlement. This is why we can’t have nice things. [Law.com]

* Derek Chauvin is looking to get his state murder convictions thrown out. This is a big deal because it wouldn’t even get him out of jail (his federal sentence is locked in)… it’s just a bid to set a friendly precedent to the next police officer who might murder someone. [NPR]

* Twitter who signed agreements committing them to private arbitration cannot pursue a class action against the company. Though the judge noted a few members of the proposed class had opted out of that agreement so the case lives on for the moment. Musk still unaware of the ruling because it’s buried under all the crap in the “For You” feed. [Reuters]

* The UK has blocked Scotland’s gender recognition law. Because post-Brexit the smartest thing England can do is further alienate Scotland and Northern Ireland. [CNN]

* FTC blows dusts off antitrust rule book like discovering ancient lore in an enchanted dungeon. Will address big box retailers getting massive discounts from manufacturers to maximize profit over smaller competitors. [Bloomberg]

* Tensions may be developing between Supreme Court justices. Amazing what happens when one wing of the Court fully abandons the law to be politicians. [The Atlantic]

* Over a third of legal workers hate their boss. Congratulations lawyers! I’d have expected a much higher number. [LegalCheek]

* Friday the 13th comes for Donald Trump, as the Trump Organization entities pegged with tax fraud are sentenced today. [Reuters]

* This is the economic cycle where clients will drive work toward the Am Law second hundred in earnest. We say that every economic downturn and it never really ends up happening and this recession isn’t actually materializing, but… it’s gonna happen! Kidding aside, it might, but probably because companies are slashing legal department budgets regardless of the economic climate. [Law.com]

* Maybe not all legal departments… Apple’s top lawyer got a pay bump. [Bloomberg]

* Laurence Tribe joins Kaplan Hecker & Fink. Didn’t see that one coming, but if he joined any firm, this is the one that makes sense. [American Lawyer]

* Sam Bankman-Fried’s pre-trial blogging continues bashing Sullivan & Cromwell’s bankruptcy efforts and offering insights into his defense strategy. [Law360]

* Also, happy birthday week to Judge Richard Posner, who just turned 84!

* FINALLY. Firm leaders willing to come right out and say that “recession” fears are overblown at this point. Regular followers of Above the Law might have heard this point five or six hundred times over the last six months. [American Lawyer]

* Covington sued for non-compliance in client data leak investigation. If a leak happens in the woods and no one properly investigates it, does it even happen, really? [Law.com]

* Supreme Court allows New York gun regulations to stand while Second Circuit litigation continues. Congratulations New York! You get to exercise the state sovereignty to regulate guns guaranteed by the actual text of the Second Amendment… for a few more months. [Law360]

* Sam Bankman-Fried is blogging on Substack now? Perfect client, 10 out of 10, no notes! [Reuters]

* New high-powered firm set up to fight threats to democracy. It’s a growth industry. [New York Times]

* Hope you weren’t planning on traveling anywhere today. [CNN]

* Rate hikes or layoffs or both loom for the industry following a *checks notes* “0.1%” decline in demand. Definitely time to panic! [American Lawyer]

* Kirkland & Ellis partner buys $38 million home away from home. Compare and contrast the grave concern over that demand hit. [LegalCheek]

* Weil Gotshal seeks to remove the baseball’s goofy antitrust exemption. [Reuters]

* Americans no longer believe the Supreme Court is impartial. It’s hard to tell what drives this perception, but some experts believe it might be that the Supreme Court is objectively no longer impartial. [The Hill]

* Classified materials from Biden’s tenure as VP found in one of his old offices. This is just like the allegations against Trump… except the material doesn’t appear to be nearly as sensitive… and the Archives had never previously requested the documents… and he’s immediately moved to get the materials back to the Archives… and he hasn’t lied to federal agents about it for months… but other than that it’s totally the same. [Business Insider]

* Reuters reports that Rudy Giuliani received a federal subpoenaed for materials related to his Trump work. [Reuters]

* Former law firm CFO deemed flight risk. Gah… you get a few overseas residences and everybody starts freaking out about you being a flight risk. [Law360]

* SEC slaps former McDonald’s CEO with $400K fine. He’s presumably not loving it. [DealBook]

* Election fraud allegations? What’s next for former NBA All-Star and inventor of the fax machine George Santos? [Courthouse News Service]

* FTC goes scorched earth on non-compete clauses. Somehow creating a free market for employment is going to be blasted as “socialism.” [Corporate Counsel]

* Supreme Court eyes gutting the right to strike. Lochner era is back, baby. [Vox]

* Amid all the talk about free speech, the Court will hear a case about an actual speech issue: can the government criminalize telling someone they should stay in the U.S. illegally? [NY Times]

* And OF COURSE Elon Musk is blaming an “error” for the company hiring Perkins Coie. Just an absolute tire fire over there. [Reuters]

* Law firm merger frenzy on the horizon. [American Lawyer]

* Get ready professional responsibility nerds, because the Supreme Court is hearing argument on the scope of attorney-client privilege on Monday. [ABA Journal]

* Twitter hires Perkins Coie despite Elon Musk’s history of bashing the firm for its work on behalf of Democrats. I’m starting to think this guy doesn’t have a firm grasp on management. [Reuters]

* On this anniversary, a new wrongful death lawsuit targets Trump over January 6 riot. [MSNBC]

* Pharmacies plan to offer morning after pills in states where it’s still legal. [NY Times]

* Speaking of commercial pharmacies, a Walgreens executive finally admitted that all those shoplifting losses that the company claimed would run them out of business were totally exaggerated. [CNBC]

* Prosecutors win right to use the word “bribe” in a case about Fox executives accused of, well, bribing people. [Law360]

* The Biden administration’s defense of its student loan relief programs arrived. It mostly revolves around the plaintiffs’ lack of standing, which has the benefit of being completely correct and the drawback of a majority of justices who don’t care. [Reuters]

* After yesterday’s southeastern merger news, now Maynard and Nexsen are merging to build a 550-attorney firm. [Daily Report Online]

* Coinbase will have to pay $100M in real people money for anti-money laundering compliance failures. [Law360]

* S&C takes overall deal value crown for 2022, shedding a bit of light on those Kirkland cutbacks we’ve been hearing about [American Lawyer]

* Preparing for a cyber threat is one thing. Getting lawyers to actually comply with your policies is another. [Legaltech News]

* Another story about facial recognition software, race, and mistaken identity. This time a man claims he was falsely arrested because of the software. [Gizmodo]

* In other news, I was on the most recent episode of WGN’s Legal Face-Off discussing a wide range of legal issues from bonuses to the Supreme Court. [WGN]

* Class action lawsuit filed against Southwest Airlines over holiday travel meltdown right on schedule… unlike Southwest. [Corporate Counsel]

* Sam Bankman-Fried trial set for October. [New York Law Journal]

* Kasowitz suing Glenn Agre over fees. Glenn Agre partners worked on the matter at Kasowitz before founding Glenn Agre and bringing the work with them. Now that the matter is closed, Glenn Agre earned a success fee and Kasowitz wants a chunk of that. Does Kasowitz pay pro rated bonuses to associates who lateral to other firms mid-year? Because that’s the firm’s logic. [American Lawyer]

* Biden renominates pending judgeship appointments. These nominations may have languished in the last Congress, but there’s now a chance they can get confirmed before the next Speaker. [Reuters]

* DoNotPay, the AI speeding ticket system, is set to defend its first matter in court. [New Scientist]